Just Joking....
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- Started December 2025
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STRICTLY FOR MEN ONLY
*STRICTLY FOR MEN ONLY *After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.* ??? _~By Al Gore_ *By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.*???? _~By Socrates_ *Woman inspires us to great things and prevents us from achieving them.* ??? _~By Mike Tyson_ *The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?*??? _~By George Clooney_ *I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.* ???? _~By Bill Clinton_ *"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays."*??? _~By George W. Bush_ *"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."* ??? _~By Rudy Giuliani_ *"I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” The third gave me more children!*??? _~By Donald Trump_ *Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming*?? *1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,* *2. Whenever you're right, shut up.* _~By Shaquille O’Neal_ *The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.*??????? _~By Kobe Bryant_ *You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.*??? _~By David Hasselhoff_ *My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.*?? _~By Alec Baldwin_ *A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.*? _~By Barack Obama_ *Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.*?? _~By Tommy Lee_ *A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."*? _~By Brad Pitt_ *First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"* *Second Guy : "You're lucky, mine's still alive."* ?? _~ By Jimmy Kimmel_ *“First there is the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring...soon after....comes SuffeRing!*??? _~By Jay Leno_ *"The reason why wives live longer is because they don't have a Wife"*??? _~By Brandon Breezy_
krishnat1 reply4 viewsChange the topic!!!
Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree. Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella. Walnut: I look exactly like a brain. Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?
ParryHotter1 reply4 viewslol
Why are eggs not very much into jokes? Because they could crack up. What is written on a dentist’s grave? - He’s filling his last cavity.
cabrito2 replies3 viewsPotato!!!
Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing! Father: Really, what? Boy: That the potato should go in the front.
ParryHotter1 reply4 viewsCustomer complain
A person with a grave face was travelling in a bus with 3 kids.The gentleman sitting beside him asked him about his profession.The first person replied that he is a sales professional engaged in the contraceptive industry.The gentleman thereafter asked if the 3 kids travelling with the first person were his own.The sales professional replied, "No, they are CUSTOMER COMPLAIN."
chanakyakripa1 reply4 viewsSmoking DOES Pay!
A church in London had rules that it would not employ anyone, without formal high school education. The old pastor was benign and not a stickler of rules. He allowed Alfred (who lacked formal education) as the caretaker to clean the pews, sweep the floor and keep the podium spick and span. Alfred had put off taking his high school exams till it became too late. Once the old pastor retired, he was replaced by a younger person who followed the rule book. As he came to know about the Alfred'’s education, he issued a notice to him that either he should get a high school certificate in six months or he should resign. Alfred knew that you could not teach an old dog new tricks and that he had no option but to resign. He started out his afternoon stroll in deep thought and got into Bond Street. Suddenly, he felt an urge to smoke. He could not find a single tobacco shop on the entire street. He walked further down into a side street where he could purchase his cigarettes. He came back to the busy Bond Street. He realized that a small cigarette shop in the street would be a sound business proposition. He resigned at the church & opened a small shop on Bond Street which prospered way beyond his expectations. He noticed that many customers were coming from the other side of the street. He started another shop on that side of Bond Street. The two shops multiplied to four and then sixteen in three years! Alfred Dunhill & Co. was soon a leading tobacconist in England. He started machine-rolling cigarettes and introduced his own brand of Dunhill cigarettes. In five years, he was a millionaire many times over. To ensure a consistent supply of tobacco, he entered into an annual purchase agreement with a couple of American tobacco farmers and went across to America to meet them. It was a big boost for the American tobacco farmers and the contract signing ceremony was converted into a media circus, with a Senator & Governor participating. When the contracts were actually signed, Dunhill affixed his thumb impression because he had not learnt to sign his name! The Governor was impressed and said, “Well Sir! This is awesome. Even without a formal education you have achieved so much. Just imagine what would you have done if you had a formal education!” Dunhill’s characteristic, often repeated reply was:“If I knew how to read & write, I would still be sweeping the church floor!”
narasik561 reply4 viewsTaxi driver
A taxi driver picked up his passenger. As they were driving along the passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver jumped, screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a pole, went up on the curb, and stopped inches from a building. Everything was quiet in the cab, until the driver said, “Please, don’t ever do that again. You scared me half to death!” The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize a little tap would scare you that bad.” “Sorry, it’s not really your fault,” the driver replied. “Today is my first day as a cab driver. Before this I was driving a funeral hearse.”
Pramo_nair2 replies4 viewslaugh a while
“The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family. The problem is no one runs in your family.” – Unknown “I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it’s hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.” – Larry David
cabrito0 replies4 viewsAll in a night’s work
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, ‘This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300 as long as you can say it in three words.’ The guy replies, ‘Hey, why not?’ He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays $300 on the bar, and says slowly................ ‘Paint…my….house.’
ParryHotter2 replies4 viewsNEOLOGISM CONTEST
Once again “The Washington Post” has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest , in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words. The winners are: 1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs. 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent. 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown. 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. 8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavoured mouthwash. 9. Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. 10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. 11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. 12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists. 13. Pokemon (n.), a Rastafarian proctologist. 14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms. 15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. 16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men. The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. The winners are: - Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. - Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. - Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. - Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. - Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) - Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these Really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. - Glibido (v): All talk and no action. - Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. - Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating. And the pick of the literature: - Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
narasik560 replies4 viewsIndian boy in us
On a humorous note. An old one ,many might have read it ......... *Indian Boy in US School* It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:?'Patrick Henry, 1775'he said. 'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'' Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar. The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about our history than you do.' She heard a loud whisper: 'F___ the Indians,' 'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.' At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.' The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?' Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.' Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!' Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,1997' Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.' Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004.' The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!' And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was Lehmann Brothers, November 4th ,2008[groupid=118]Just Joking....[/groupid]
muralidhar reddy Kotha0 replies2 viewslaugh and answer
Q: What do you get if you cross a fridge and a stereo? A: Cool music! Q: What do you get when you cross a lemon and a cat? A: A sourpuss. Q: What do you get when you cross a caterpillar and a parrot? A: A walkie talkie!
cabrito1 reply2 viewsHomework
A little boy was doing his maths homework, muttering to himself:2+5 the son of a bitch is 73+6 the son of a bitch is 9... His mother overheard him and asked in a shocked voice: 'What are you doing?'The boy replied: 'My maths homework'Mother: 'And THIS is how your teacher taught you ????'Boy: 'Yes' The infuriated mother called up the teacher and asked: ' Are you teaching maths to children by saying 2+2 the son of a bitch is 4??'The teacher laughed hysterically and replied: 'Madam. what I taught them was 2+2 THE SUM OF WHICH IS 4'.
narasik560 replies2 viewsHeaven
Three old men have just arrived in heaven and are attending an orientation meeting. They are all asked, “When you are at the funeral and your friends and families are mourning, what would you like to hear them say about you?” The first guy says, “I’d like to hear them say that I was a great doctor and a great family man.” The second guy says, “I would like them to say that I was a wonderful husband and schoolteacher, and that I made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.” The last guy thinks a moment and says, “I think I’d like to hear them say ‘Look! He’s moving!’
Pramo_nair2 replies2 viewsEnglish Grammar class.
Teacher: What's the difference between "He cleans the plate" and "the plate is cleaned by him." Student: In first sentence 'HE' is not married, but in second sentence 'He' is married.....Teacher asks a student - “ Please Translate the following sentence in Hindi.” "There was a fine line between Amitabh and Jaya." Student translates in Hindi- “ Amitabh Aur Jaya Ke Beech Ek Mast Rekha Thi”
cabrito0 replies2 viewsPunjabi and God
A Punjabi who had no wife, no child, no money, no house and only a blind mother prayed fervently to God. God was moved by his prayers and told him to make ONLY ONE request which would be granted to him. The man said, "God, I want my mother to see my wife putting diamond bangles on my daughter's wrists inside my Mercedes parked in front of my mansion when I'm watching them over a drink of Blue Label." God said to himself, "I still have a lot to learn from these Punjabi's ..."
cabrito1 reply2 viewsHIGH TEMPERATURES
After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt. Turns out she felt the same way. So I turned on the air conditioning.
ParryHotter1 reply2 viewsNot Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!
Teacher: ''Construct a sentence using the word "sugar''Pupil: ''I drank tea this morning.''Teacher: ''Where is the word sugar.''Pupil: ''It is already in the tea..!!'' TEACHER: Our topic for today is Photosynthesis. TEACHER : Class, what is photosynthesis ?Student: Photosynthesis is our topic today. TEACHER : John is climbing a tree to pick some mangoes. Begin the sentence with Mangoes.Student : Mangoes, John is coming to pick you... TEACHER : What do you call mosquitoes in your language?Student: We don't call them, they come on their own... TEACHER : Name the nation, people hate mostStudent: Exami-nation... TEACHER : How can we keep our school clean?Student: By staying at home... TEACHER : One day our country will be corruption free. What tense is that??Student: Future impossible tense... AND THE STRUGGLE CONTINUES !Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!
raviedu3 replies2 views15 Hilarious Shop and Restaurant Names
[ Post edited by ssangra at 9-7-2019 02:24 AM ]\ \ [ Post edited by ssangra at 9-7-2019 02:19 AM ]\ \ 15 Hilarious Shop & Restaurant NamesPragati Shukla , NDTV | Brace yourself, here come the puns. Who doesn't love word-play? Almost everyone I know, that's who. Personally, I love a good pun. I've been guilty of using them more often than not, much to the eye-rolling dismay of my friends. With the love of puns at the back of my head, I was thrilled to discover that commercial, money-making, serious entities like restaurants have a sense of humour! I'm happy to report that the power of these hilarious names isn't limited to making me stop for a minute to take a quick photo. I would definitely grab a bite at these places as well. After the photo
ssangra1 reply2 views