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Cover of So Tell Me about the Last Time You Had Sex

So Tell Me about the Last Time You Had Sex

Written by Ian Kerner

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368 pages, about 7 hours of reading

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About this book

Renowned sex therapist and New York Times bestselling author Ian Kerner shares the unique and indispensable program he uses to help thousands of couples achieve more intimacy and better sex. Dr. Ian Kerner is a Sherlock Holmes of the bedroom--a sexual detective helping individuals and couples solve the mystery of their sexual distress. His secret weapon? Informed curiosity. Kerner has perfected the art of the "sex script analysis," a method of inquiry to examine your sex life in action moment by moment. In those details--the what, where, when, and why of your last sexual experience--all the clues of what went wrong are laid bare and the mystery of how to create mutual pleasure can be solved. When our sex scripts work, we let go into arousal and lose ourselves in pleasure. But when the sex script fails, it's all we can do not to ruminate over the details. Sometimes you can be lying in bed right next to someone and feel a million miles apart. In those moments of silent desperation, the sex script is our guide to everything happening between the sheets and beneath the surface. With wit and warmth, the nationally recognized sex therapist and author of the smash hit She Comes First uses his tried and true techniques and tools to show readers how to tap into their erotic personalities and realize their sexual potential. He'll help you figure out what's working and what's not in your sex script and discuss many common sexual problems, from low desire and mismatched libidos to male and female sexual function issues, that may be interfering with your sex life. With the help of decades of clinical insight, the latest sexual science and research, valuable homework assignments, and more, this insightful and original book strips away discomfort and gives readers the ability to not just talk about sex openly and knowingly, but to actually do something about it.

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Reading guide

Themes, characters and key ideas in So Tell Me about the Last Time You Had Sex, written by Chaptra AI.

  • about 8 hours
  • intermediate
  • insightful
  • practical
  • candid

Ian Kerner's "So Tell Me about the Last Time You Had Sex" introduces his signature "sex script analysis" program, a unique therapeutic approach designed to help individuals and couples identify and overcome sexual distress. As a "sexual detective," Kerner guides readers through a detailed examination of their recent sexual experiences, breaking down the 'what, where, when, and why' to uncover underlying issues and patterns. The book aims to demystify sexual problems like low desire and mismatched libidos, providing practical tools and insights drawn from decades of clinical practice and sexual science. Ultimately, it empowers readers to understand their erotic personalities, improve communication, and actively rewrite their sexual narratives for greater intimacy and mutual pleasure.

"Dr. Ian Kerner is a Sherlock Holmes of the bedroom--a sexual detective helping individuals and couples solve the mystery of their sexual distress."

Key themes

Sexual Intimacy and Connection
This is the overarching theme, exploring how genuine connection and mutual pleasure are fostered through understanding and communication. The book posits that sexual intimacy is not just about physical acts, but a complex interplay of emotional, psychological, and physical factors. It aims to bridge the gap between physical proximity and emotional distance in sexual relationships.
Communication and Self-Awareness
The book heavily emphasizes the critical role of open, honest communication and deep self-awareness in achieving sexual satisfaction. By analyzing the 'sex script,' individuals are encouraged to articulate their desires, discomforts, and experiences, both to themselves and their partners. This theme highlights that understanding one's own 'erotic personality' is a prerequisite for effective communication.
Overcoming Sexual Dysfunction
This theme directly addresses common sexual problems such as low desire, mismatched libidos, and various male and female sexual function issues. Kerner provides clinical insights and scientific explanations for these challenges, framing them not as personal failures but as solvable mysteries. The book offers practical strategies for identifying the roots of these dysfunctions and actively working towards their resolution.

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How does the concept of 'sex script analysis' challenge or confirm your existing understanding of sexual intimacy?

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