Hitman’s Guide Through the Galaxy: How Not to Kill a Divine Being

This sharp-witted, interdimensional comedy-roast memoir follows one woman’s real (and surreal) encounters with betrayal, spiritual warfare, and an agency hit gone hilariously wrong. What starts as a covert operation to silence her turns into a divine spectacle where assassins fumble, HR referrals backfire, and every failed plot ends up as bestselling book content. Told in 25 punchy, poetic, and unforgivingly honest chapters, this is not just a story it’s a cosmic clapback. From retired hitmen mixing bad doses in backyard sheds, to agents trying to frame a prophet and accidentally triggering a 7,000-year divine recall, this book skewers every attempt to suppress a mission that was never earthly to begin with. She dreams walks through their timelines. She pulls secrets from the Hall of Records. She files copyrights instead of complaints. And when they try to label her “crazy,” the only diagnosis they walk away with is “delusions of competence.” A hybrid of spiritual insight, satire, roast, and testimony, this is a book about surviving targeted attempts not just on your life but on your purpose. And in the end, the hit doesn’t kill the divine assignment.